sometimes...their vision turns into that reality. more often these days...they don't. they turn into a different kind of reality. a reality of student loans and a huge wedding that their parents couldn't really afford. with a honeymoon where they find out that being "engaged" to someone and being "married" to someone are two very different things. where evil lives, even in gated communities and behind locked doors, with expensive cars and expensive car payments to go along with them. and with all of these luxuries, debt...up to their necks. with kids that have no interest in living out their parents dreams of being the star football player or the ballerina or the next Liberace. and sadly, they find that with the birth of the children they longed for, comes the reality that childbirth forever changes your body. sure, there is always the gym they can join, where they will spend countless hours trying to make their bodies be what they used to be. (i'm not knocking exercise, i belong to a gym myself and believe we should all try to maintain a "healthy" weight, while being realistic enough to know that i will never wear a size 5 again.) and, if the gym doesn't do the trick, there are countless ways to shape your body into something it was never intended to be, with dr.s and silicone and collagen and botox. more big bills, and sometimes with the chance of injecting something into your body that will have horrible consequences later down the road. and sometimes...in this pursuit of living the "dream" we lose touch with what our ultimate goal was in the beginning...to live happily, ever after.
husbands start spending longer hours at work to avoid coming home to a house filled with crying babies and teenagers with attitudes and wives that constantly nag, nag, nag. wives start confiding in their girlfriends how unhappy they are and how if their husband looked like that guy at the gym, it would make all the difference in the world. and before they know it...they forget about their commitments. they forget about their children...they forget about God, if He was ever there in the first place. divorces get filed, attorneys get rich, children lives are forever changed when they are seperated from both parents. and their dream dies. turns into a nightmare. and then, after the proper amount of time, they go out in search of the dream again...and in comes step-children that don't want a new parent, most of your spouses take-home pay goes to pay the ex's alimony or child support or mortgage payment. half of your new spouses 401K is gone to his "first" family and retirement is not even an option in the near future. and an endless cycle has started all over again, just in a different house.
i had dreams...but they weren't those dreams.
i wanted the prince charming and the babies...but i cared nothing for having the big wedding or the white dress or the exotic honeymoon. i didn't have lofty illusions of having a high powered career or living in a gated community or being a member of the country club. i never dreamed about what kind of car i would like to drive or where we would vacation next year or what sports my kids would end up being the star of. and when i thought about growing old, i had only one dream. there was a couple in the church i grew up in as a child and into my teenage years. they were very good friends with my parents and they were always faithful members of the First Baptist Church in Clewiston, FL. every time i ever saw them, walking up the steps of that church, they were holding hands. some would say that maybe that's because they were older, that they were holding onto each other for stability, but that wouldn't be true. they held hands because even at their age, they still had a deep and abiding love for each other. and a love that was centered on Christ. and that is what i wanted in my old age. a husband that would still be holding my hand when i had wrinkles or liver spots or extra padding. one, who would be holding my hand when God called one of us home to Heaven.
i am going into all of this just to get to what i'm about to tell you now.
when i was in high school, i wasn't interested in learning about algebra. or history. or science. i didn't care anything at all about p.e. or music or beta club. but, i loved to write. i was always writing in notebooks while the teachers were talking, sometimes stories, sometimes poetry, sometimes doodling what my name would look like if i was married to such and such a boy. i always made good grades in english and writing. and when i went to college, i took a creative writing class and i did well in it, because it allowed me to express all the things that were going in my head. i think that was the first time that a teacher told me that i should go into journalism...that i had a talent for writing. i didn't pay him any attention. i didn't pay attention to any adult at that time. i was more interested in my life outside of the classroom.
over the years i've had people tell me all the time that i should write a book. and i always said the same thing...what would i write about? my own mother has told me for years that she thinks i should write. but, being me, i always let my low self esteem come in and tell me that i wasn't smart enough, or that God didn't give me a talent to write. or that i didn't have anything worthy enough to write about.
then...the world of Blogging opened up. i was very much into scrapbooking and genealogy, so i thought what better way to preserve lifes little stories for my children and my grandchildren? sort of like journaling. i tried it, and i didn't really think i was very good at it. but then, i started getting a few people following me, and then, a few more. and pretty soon, i was really getting in to it and i loved reading the private messages that people would send me, telling me how a certain thing i had written had touched them, or made them cry or laugh. at this same time, i was going through my divorce from the middle-aged man who left me for greener pastures. and it was getting harder and harder for me to focus on anything but what my life was becoming. eventually, last April, i stopped writing. altogether. i stopped scrapbooking. i stopped doing geneaology. i stopped doing pretty much of everything that gave me joy. i was spending a lot of my time talking to God.
asking Him questions, endless questions and searching for answers. and through this last year, God has been doing something in me. He has been building up my faith. He has been showing me my purpose in this life.
He has been preparing me for a work that He started in me 35 years ago. a work that began when i was just 16 years old. and when i was 17 yrs. old, God made a promise to me. I have NEVER doubted for one single second, that He would fullfill this promise. I have doubted a lot of other things, but NEVER this one promise.
and, a few months ago, like a puzzle, little pieces started coming together. in the strangest of ways. through a verse. through a song. through a website. through a simple message on Facebook. through a little wooden Noah's Ark.
(when i tell the story, you'll be very surprised who gave me the Noah's Ark...all a part of the plan) through the reconnection of the ONE person God aways intended me to be with.
God has shown me, over the last few weeks, that i DO have a story that He wants me to tell. He is showing me that the time has come for me to start doing what HE wants me to do. He has been building me up for THIS, so that He can be glorified and so that others can see and know, that He is faithful to keep His promises. Always.
i have a story to tell. it's a love story. and i am only just now beginning to write it all down.
but, there is someone else who is a part of this story. before the next chapter can be written, God has to work on his heart. God has to show him that to have Faith in what He is doing, we must first put ALL of our Trust in Him. and then, when we are committed to following His will, He WILL give us the desires of our heart. Love can not be based on physical attraction only.
can you imagine what kind of good can come from our story? for our children, for our parents, for the people it will minister to? i know it's a little scary, but with God leading...we can perhaps change someone else's life. there is a third person to this love story...and that is where God will write the last chapter. i don't want to teach my children that they must accept what other people judge them to be. that they must look a certain way, or be beautiful or "hot" to be loved. because they will always be disappointed by MAN's view. they will never be good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. think of your own daughter...would you want the man she loves to tell her that first he has to "test drive" her to see if he is going to like the "ride?" you would probably want to shoot him. if God put that kind of test on us, i think we would all lack in some department. when He chooses to call us as His own He doesn't care that the tires on our truck aren't big enough, or that the color is way off or that the interior isn't what He wanted it to be. He sees the whole person and He motivates us to change the things in our lives that are not pleasing to Him. He accepts us, as bad as we are, and He refines us through time. i want to be an example for MY children, that when they put their faith and trust in the Lord, and when they care what HE thinks about who they are and how they are living their lives...that He will bless them and lead them to their own hearts desires. God is not in the business of making mistakes. God leads us to it...and God brings us through it.
It may take 35 years, but when He knows that the timing is right, then it will be in HIS PERFECT TIME. and i know, beyond any shadow of any doubt, that THIS is God's perfect timing. i am praying, diligently...and waiting. i will not give up on what I know to be the right thing. there is someone waiting to meet us. and the story God wants us to tell can't be written without you. i love you, with all of my heart.
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