JUST ASK MY DOGS....

so...this is me when i was 10 yrs. old

and here

i was really, really good at those splits, huh? perfect form. you would think i was a gymnast or something, wouldn't you?

ok, i'm lying, that's not me at 10. not me at 11 or 9 either. that's pickle. and she is a gymnast. these pictures i took of her at the beach last year brought to mind a little...ummmm... mishap that occured at my house a few days ago. to me.

i was on facebook, because i don't have much of a life since the middle-aged man that went in search of greener pastures, left me. come to think of it, i didn't really have much of a life than either. but that's another story. for another post. anyway, there i was whiling away the hours on facebook when someone tagged me in a note. it was a silly little note. i think it was called random things about me. one of the questions was "can you do a split?"

at first i thought it said, "can you eat a banana split" which of course the answer would have been "duh". do i LOOK like i can eat banana splits? (i don't really want you to answer that.) dang...does the punctuation go inside the parenthesis or outside? i always get confused on that.

but no, i was wrong. which i knew, and accept, because the middle-aged man that left for greener pastures has told me for 17 1/2 years that i'm wrong. about EVERYTHING. the question was "can you do a split?" my answer? "yes...yes i can. but when i do, it's purely accidental. and about 15 minutes or so later, i had to go and prove that. if only to my two yorkies and myself.

i went to take zoe outside to pee. she was nursing these 12 puppies

and she drinks ALOT of water. but i was too late. she couldn't hold all that water until i finished talking to my friend on facebook. nope. she had already gone to the front door and waited patiently for me. and i let her down. she had made a puddle in the front hallway the size of a small lake. and it wasn't just a big ROUND puddle. it stretched from one end of the hall to the other.

i had just gotten out of a nice hot shower and washed my hair and put on some clean stretchy pj's, because i intended to stay in bed all day. and rest. i walked zoe towards the front door to let her out and guess what happened? c'mon. guess. RIGHT!!! my bare foot hit that lake of pee (on wood floors that i had just mopped that morning) and i did a split. a perfect split too. and then i fell over. IN THE DOG PEE. flat on my back. with my clean stretchy pj's and my clean hair! and i was humiliated. my yorkies were laughing at me. oh yes, i have dogs that laugh. they sing too. this is bruiser and tj

yeah, they look all innocent now. but they were laughing at me, i swear. and when you slip in dog pee on a wood floor and do a split and then fall flat on your back..IT HURTS! then just to make matters a little more fun for the dogs, i had to put both my hands in the dog pee in order to lift my big ol' badonkadonk off the floor. EEEEWWWWWW!!! it was so gross. i had to peel those wet pj's off and i absolutely HATE taking wet clothes off, and take another shower and wash my hair. again. the only bright spot in all of this was that the humongous bruise on that big ol' badonkadonk that i was sure to have come morning...would now match the black and blue pj's i had to put on! i would be color coordinated. and that's very important to me. ask anyone who knows me.

so in closing...i say that YES, YES i can do a split. just ask my dogs!