"the grass may be greener on the other side...but it usually ends up being astro-turf"

today was a very, very hard day for me. today i had to practice "tough love" with my son, who will turn 17 this week, and i find that is not something i am particularly good at. being tough. in fact, over the past few years, i have been told that there are alot of things i am not particularly good at. but that's a story for another time.

what started out yesterday as my son being very disrespectful to me, his mama...his "only" mama, i might add... his "only mama" who has been very, very sick all week long, turned into a heap of anger on my part and which resulted in my telling my last little bird (just minutes before leaving to go to church) that it would be best for all those involved (me) that he leave our nest. within ten minutes. and i wasn't talking about him leaving for an hour, or a day. i was talking "pack up your feathers and move on over and share his nest with the buzzard (the middle-aged man who left me for greener pastures.) and for me to get to that point...it was bad stuff. because my little bird means the world to me. i have fought tooth and nail for the past seven months to "save our nest" lest the buzzard push us out, to fend for ourselves. and today it just all hit me at the most inopportune time. right smack in the middle of the pastors sermon.

the Bible says, in Ephesians 6: 1-3, "children, obey your parents. this is the right thing to do because God has placed them in authority over you. Honor your father and mother. this is the first of God's ten commandments that ends with a promise. and this is the promise, that if you honor your father and mother, yours will be a long life, full of blessing."

so...my child should honor me. and he should respect me. and everything should be hunky-dory, right? yes. right.


but what to do when, for 17 years of his life he lived with a "father" who did not respect his wife? who listened to his "father" tell his mama, time and time and time again...that "she's wrong...about everything." who grows up every single day of his life watching his "father" belittle his mama and make her feel worthless and tell her she's lazy and make her feel as if her sole purpose in this marriage is to "submit to her husband."( funny, out of ALL the verses in the Bible, this is the ONLY verse that he knows. and can quote. ad-nauseum!)

does this earn my son a "get out of jail free card" because this behavior has been instilled in him since birth? does he then become entitled to treat his mama in the same manner in which he has become accustomed to seeing his "daddy" treat her? first, i thought no. no, it doesn't give him that right. or any other right to talk to me or treat me in any other way that he deems acceptable. and that i don't.


when i got home from church he wasn't here. but, he had not packed his feathers either. he had left me a note. a note is always easier when you want someone to think you are really, really sorry, but you don't have the guts to look them in the eye. because "sorry" is not an easy thing to say. much, much easier to look someone in the eye and say mean, hateful things, than to say "i'm sorry." that's another lesson he learned from the middle-aged man who left me for greener pastures. he's been gone 7 months today, and he hasn't looked me in the eye yet. or said "i'm sorry." quite possibly because he's not sorry. and this thought led me to become angry about another issue.

the middle-aged man who left me for greener pastures, said (still says, but i don't believe it for a minute) that he is a christian. he attended church with my family on the few occasions that he was not at work on the weekend (or playing in that greener pasture.) people in our congregation thought him to be a christian. so did some of the men he worked with. so did alot of other people. he was very, very good at the Jekyll/Hyde thingy. but, what i became angry at today, and i admit, this is not the first time i have become angry about this same thing,) is that soooo many people, so many christian people who knew or now know, of our marital split and the reason for it, seeing as how he makes no attempt whatsoever to hide it, have chosen to look the other way and "not get involved." for the Bible also says in Galations 6:1-3, "dear brothers, if a christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help him back onto the right path, remembering that next time it might be one of you who is in the wrong. share each other's troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord's command. if anyone thinks he is too great to stoop to this, he is really a nobody."

for seven long months, not one single person, whom i know to be christians, have once gone to the middle-aged man who left me for greener pastures, to share with him, what God has commanded of us. to help him back onto the right path, and out of the greener pasture that will surely end up being astro-turf. not one, apparently, has felt God urging them to go and try to bring one of their own, back into the flock. aren't we, as christians, put here on this earth, to be soul winners for Christ. isn't that our sole purpose. if just ONE person had followed this command, might a marriage have been saved? might a son still know his "father." might a soul have been saved? i prayed about this, several times. i have asked God to put someone in his path...to burden SOMEONE'S heart to go...and share Christ with him...before it's too late. before he is lost forever and my son will not get to spend eternity with the middle-aged man who left me for greener pastures. because, you see, he didn't just leave me. he left his son. he left his step-sons, his grandchildren, his mother and father in-law, my whole family. without a good-bye. without an "i'm sorry." without even the note.

can i be angry at my son for only doing what he has been taught to do, by the one person who should have been his hero? can i throw him out of the nest that has been his "home" his whole life, because he never got the "bring up your children in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it?" upbringing?

i find the answer to this question , again in Galations 6:7-9, "don't be misled, remember that you can't ignore God and get away with it: a man will always reap just the kind of crop he sows! if he sows to please his own wrong desires, he will be planting seeds of evil and he will surely reap a harvest of spiritual decay and death; but if he plants the good things of the Spirit, he will reap the everlasting life which the Holy Spirit gives him. and let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't get discouraged and give up."

my son wrote to me, in his note, "mom, i'm sorry. i made a mistake. and i want to make things better. i love you!

i gave him a "get out of jail free card," this time. he came home tonight, and as i type, he is sleeping. i looked in on him awhile ago and i thank God he is back in the nest, not yet ready to fly away. i can forgive him. and i can try a little harder to learn to be "tough." i have a feeling i'm going to need to know how. and i can do my best to "train him up in the way he should go..."

my prayer now...is that someone reading this, someone who knows the middle-aged man who left me for greener pastures, will be burdened to go and try to bring a lost soul back into the flock...not for me...but for the sake of my youngest little bird.